I wonder if somewhere, deep down in his heart of hearts, John McCain knows he’s sold himself out. That he’s sold out every principle he’s ever said he believed in, that he’s sold his POW experience for political profit, that he’s stood on the graves of those murdered on 9/11 for political gain, that he now stands as a man who has never held a consistent important value through the arc of his political career.

I wonder if at some point, he’ll look in the mirror and realize what he’s become.

Part of me wonders whether somewhere in him, he understands. That at some point in the future, Rove will tell him to lie yet again – to say something base and underhanded, designed to appeal to the worst fears of people, to sell his personal character further down the river, to tear down any remnants of moral fiber he supposedly has left, and at some point, he will simply snap.

He will say to us all that he is not the man he thought he was. That his cynical, opportunistic and ill-conceived choice of Palin as the heir to the most vital role in our government was shortsighted and stupid. That he really does believe in a woman’s right to choose, or that this war was handled incompetently, and that Bush is a worthless failure of a human, but that he embraced him anyway does show the content of his character and his failure as a leader and human being.

I imagine the blank stare into the camera at the moment of realization – the slack jawed moment of silence as this wave crashes over his mind and runs down into his heart. The moment when he realizes that in every respect, he has been a failure – that he has no integrity, that he has no character, that he’s sold every single thing of value in a mad, pointless scramble for political power. I can’t really think of what he’d say next. I imagine he’d sit down on stage, lost like a little boy, and wonder where it all went wrong.

But that implies there was something there to begin with, and that the plaudits he’s received in the past were actually true.

I don’t care about his POW experience. It has little bearing on his qualities as a leader, and his cynical exploitation of it shows how cheap and tawdry the experience is to him now. I don’t care about his label as a maverick. When it mattered for him to do the right thing, to stand up to the powers that be, he failed in every respect. He claims the “surge” is getting us to a point where we’re winning in Iraq, when it’s clear to everyone that the goalposts for “winning” have moved so far as to be utterly irrelevant. People see the impact of the economy in their daily lives. People who aren’t worth $40 million or have ten homes, or married into exorbitant wealth by leaving their crippled wife and children.

But it bothers me, because I know the Republican Hate Machine is effective. That it can color peoples’ opinions and get the squawking right-wing buffoons to parrot their every talking point. That those things seep into the minds of the gullible and weak, and they see that as strength and courage, though the veneer hides the total lack of exactly that. I’m awake now, at 2:30 on a Saturday morning because of that fear. Because I want to do something to change that, but know that nothing I do between now and the election will matter all that much.

I don’t have faith in America. I don’t have faith in the people. The people are stupid, media-led, disengaged, ignorant sheep, and the Republicans are better at playing to the things that make them feel righteous and scared. The Democrats want to appeal to the hope, the compassion, and the optimism of the American People. Those things are nothing next to xenophobia, anger, and fear.

I feel like you have to be mentally retarded – literally – to be a modern conservative. That there has to be something wrong with your brain. I’ve been wondering why we can categorize dogs as “alphas,” “betas,” “gammas,” and “omegas” based on their tendencies, but we can’t do the same for people.

Modern Conservatives are the Starscreams of the political world. Perenially victimized, power-hungry, and stupid. Whiny. Obnoxious. Second-rate. A loser with a big gun. I think it’s a personality type – the “worthless beta human.” Wah, me. Me me me. Pay attention to me. Ignore those that aren’t like me. Crush them as I stand on them on my way to the top. Me. These people are too stupid to be *stupid*. It has to be a mental defect.

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